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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Nov 4, 2015 0:36:19 GMT -5
“Well.. technically, I guess,” Eve murmured, swirling the tea. “I mean, I try, at least. I want to ignore it, just forget about it, but…” Her grip on the mug tightened a bit. Seeing how her knuckles were white, she relented a bit and decided to place it on the counter. Hands free, she wrapped her arms around herself and her gaze was still focused on the ground. “It’s not something that really goes away.”
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 9:30:45 GMT -5
He knew what she meant. Sipping his tea, he murmured, "They linger." They linger and drain every last bit of energy out of you. Lowering his cup slightly, he said, "I'd offer you something to eat but I myself don't have much in the way of food." He could easily borrow from another, but that was only if she wanted something. "Gets pretty hard looking for things to keep you distracted." As opposed to curling in a ball, as he sometimes did.
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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Nov 5, 2015 1:25:20 GMT -5
“Not hungry,” Eve waved off. Her stomach felt empty, but she couldn’t imagine being able to stomach anything at the moment. Besides, she hadn’t really had much of an appetite for awhile. She leaned back against the counter and looked back up at him. “Nothing could ever distract me enough anyways.” She responded with a slight shrug.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2015 9:32:32 GMT -5
"Then maybe you should talk about it." He knew saying that was a mistake somehow, knew that wasn't what she wanted. Knowing this, he still pressed on. "Getting it out somehow might make things more bearable."
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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Nov 8, 2015 18:48:09 GMT -5
Eve resisted the urge to curl in on herself and force the conversation into silence, just so maybe he would give up on getting her to talk. She didn’t want to acknowledge her resolve was going to crumble away at any moment and she was about to spill her guts out to somebody she barely knew; a traitor, no less. “I don’t… I can’t.”
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Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2015 22:26:45 GMT -5
Taking a seat catacorner to her, he rested his cup on the counter. Gathering his energy, he tried to take some of the negative charge out of the air and calm her down. "Maybe not right this second," he soothed her, "but you will be able to talk about it. Eventually." It was still extremely difficult for him to do just that, but somehow he knew. Eventually they would be able to talk about it without blinking. Without fearing the repercussions. One day they wouldn't have to be scared. "I understand if I'm not the one you want to talk to." He noted the nature of her hesitation. He knew her opinion of him remained tainted. He couldn't blame her for that.
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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Nov 9, 2015 23:54:19 GMT -5
“I don’t want to be able to talk about it!” Eve blurted. “Every time it just blows up in their face- and mine- and I can’t-!” It wasn’t him, and she knew it. There wasn’t anyone else that came would be more qualified than him, not one she could think of. It was her fault. She was just too terrified to admit it and too guilty to ignore it. A world where she didn’t care about what would happen if she did wasn’t one she could imagine. “Can you?” she asked. His nightmares existed, and she didn’t know how bad they were; she wasn’t about to ask either. His scars were probably enough to make an outline of how bad they were. “Can you really talk about yours already?”
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2015 8:48:05 GMT -5
Tea couldn't stop the flinch at her outburst, nor the shuddering at her question. He looked down into his cup, considering telling her more. But like her, he wasn't quite there yet.
He glossed over the details. "I can tell you who's in them." He pursed his lips. "I can tell you it's painful, and I wake up thinking I've been," torn apart, abused, punished for whatever reason, "thinking it actually happened." The actual, truly terrifying things is it really had happened. Every nightmare was a retelling of what had happened. "I . . . I couldn't tell you what they did." Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. "I wouldn't. I'm sorry."
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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Nov 17, 2015 20:18:05 GMT -5
“Don’t be!” Eve waved off quickly. “I’m the one who asked. If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine. Only fair, right?” She felt like smacking herself for asking the question in the first place. She knew a question like that wasn’t one he wouldn’t want to answer, much less to her of all people. Retelling it was just as bad as reliving it, and the latter was completely beyond control already. “It’s more than what I’d would say.”
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2015 10:05:09 GMT -5
Still a little shaken by the thought of speaking about his dreams, he looked her over. Then he sighed. "Would be easier if we just . . . could. You know?" He grit his teeth momentarily. "Be easier if we were over it already."
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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Nov 22, 2015 19:18:48 GMT -5
“It’d be easiest if I just got up one morning, said ‘fuck it’, and went on like every single dumb mistake I’ve ever made never existed.” Eve replied, and picked her tea back up from the counter and sighed. “But I can’t. Something in me won’t let me do that… it’s probably because I’m too guilty or maybe even too weak to, considering I won’t let myself forget either. And I’m too much of a coward to relive it just once to get it out.”
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2015 20:22:43 GMT -5
Tea's brow furrowed. Coward. Was that what he was? Was that why he suffered every time he closed his eyes? He'd been a coward?
He hadn't even been able to free himself in the end. It was reasonable to call him a coward he supposed.
Watching her hold her tea, he sighed. "Some things your body just won't let you forget though. Even if it is in the best interest of your mental health to." But unfortunately, every decision a person males leaves an imprint on their mind. Sometimes those imprints were permanent.
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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Nov 26, 2015 0:26:13 GMT -5
Her body won’t let her forget? That was another way to go about it. Accepting that she didn’t have control, that her own suffering wasn’t entirely her own doing, was comforting in a way.
She stifled a laugh at her thought process. Right, like it changed anything. It was still her and her choices still lead up to this. She sighed, taking a sip of tea. The sweetness was mocking in a way, but it was better than only concentrating on this conversation.
“I seriously doubt that anything I do nowadays is healthy,” Eve replied.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2015 4:17:39 GMT -5
Tea shook his head, snorting at himself almost. Scratching the side of his neck, he said, "I'm certainly not the one who should be giving advice on what's healthy." He hadn't eaten in two years and sometimes the smallest touch nearly made him scream. He'd worn the same outfit for fifty or so years (of course he'd washed it, he had to daily with the way things happened to him), and his kidneys wailed every so often because of the hell the tea put them through. "I'm one step away from having major addictions."
Ah, he thought as he rested his chin on his palm. There was also the urge to self-mutilate. That only popped up every now and then, but the state of his body (and Tapi's threats over ruining their hard work) were incredibly discouraging each time he even considered harming himself.
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Post by DestinyJoyHope on Dec 2, 2015 13:26:17 GMT -5
“I wouldn’t change anything even if you did have good advice to tell me.” Eve commented, leaning back into the counter. “And when it comes to addictions I’m half convinced I’ve eaten enough sugar to have about ten heart attacks or something. And the crashes are hell.”
Along with her her sleeping schedule, rather the lack or one, and her methods of ignoring her guilt were also more notable. There was also the bit about having severe trust issues and emotional scars. She tapped the side of her mug and sighed. “I’m actually pretty surprised I made this far.”
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